I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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