when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
