i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
