dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
