i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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