24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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