Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
