u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
