I accidentally had phone sex last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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