2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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