I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
