Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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