it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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