Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm passing your future prison.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
