just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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