i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Success! We fucked roommates!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
