Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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