She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
