She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
