We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
