Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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