I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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