He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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