I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize