too bad you live with your parents still
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
