went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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