I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize