it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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