honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
