Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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