It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
