Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
