I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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