Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
