my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
