wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
