Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
