i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
