Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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