god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
