Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize