nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
