This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
