Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
BRING THE BAGELS
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
