remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
