two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
