what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
