can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
