____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
