just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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