He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
