i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
