My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
