i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
