i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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