maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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