before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize