I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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