Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
