my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
