apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
