kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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