you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
