You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Randomize