I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
