Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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