tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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