How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
