I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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