i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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