I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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